X-Men 3: Not Bad, Not Great

X-Men 3: The Last Stand
Originally uploaded by baldman76.

Ok, so we finally saw X-Men: The Last Stand. Paula and Alex, I must respectfully disagree with your “don’t-even-rent-it-it’s-so-bad” assessment. For the most part, I liked it a lot. I do agree that it was a step-down when compared to the previous two films (especially the superb X2), but it certainly wasn’t a bad film and not so terrible as to ruin the series as a trilogy (which, in my opinion, Matrix: Revolutions did. I hated the third one so much it has even spread its taint onto the first Matrix, and it was good.) The action sequences were good, the effects were pretty impressive, the acting not bad (though also weaker than in the other films.)

Now that I have established that I really did like the film, allow me to “rip it a new one” on a few points.

I do agree with Paula and Alex’s critique of the dialogue. The dialogue was pretty uninspired. The first film’s dialogue was not without its flaws (Storm’s poor accent). However, the second film was so good on every level that this movie’s dialogue was notably that much weaker (especially when coupled with the recent excellent writing of the two Spiderman films and Batman Begins). The movie was checkered with your typical “ACTION” dialogue that sounds as if it were written by a bunch of middle-schoolers. No subtlety or any real depth- just the bare minimum needed to convey that action is at hand. You know the kind I’m talking about:

Action Hero #1: My God, what’s happening?!

Action Hero #2: I think you know. [meaningful glance]. But what can be done?

Action Hero #1: I think we ALL know what must be done. And without us, what must be done might not happen. So, are you ready to do it?

[Tense moment of pensive thought and meaningful glances.]

Action Hero #2: I’m ready if you are. Ready?

Action Hero #1: LET’S DO THIS!

[Music swells, Action heroes run out of room. End Scene.]

Criticism #2: Don’t cop-out and write-off a major character is some pansy-ass way. I have no problem with main characters dying. But to bump-one off in the first ten minutes in such a stupid way? It shows a lack of creativity on the part of the writers.

OK, my last critique, and this goes for all movie’s in general: I don’t mind rambling, slice of life films, nor am I incapable of a “willing suspension of disbelief,” but don’t pad your movie with unnecessary sub-plots when ten more minutes of brain-storming could eliminate and give you a tighter/better movie script. The Phoenix? Yeah, she’s really powerful, back from the dead and Wolverine loves her- but she was essentially a sexy-looking but unnecessary plot point. But she’s powerful and can blow up the world! (ie, she’s an excuse for more special effects). But what did she DO, really? Not much. Ultimately, with the character development of the previous two films, the “mutant cure”–as-weapon was all that was necessary to spur the formation and offensive assault of Magneto’s Brotherhood. Presto! Better movie. Eliminate the superfluous, develop characters more. The movie would have been stronger. [It should be noted that the lack of relevance of Phoenix to the central plot line of the film was first observed by my dear wife, Katie.]

Oh, and Guy-with-Wings = Cool-Looking, but also unnecessary.

[Another classic example- Jar Jar Binks. Not only was he terrible and quoted the Olsen Twins from Full House, but totally unnecessary. Next time you see me, ask me how pointless he was (outside of toy sales profits) and I’ll elaborate how he could be totally written out of the story. Of course, the flaws in the newest Star Wars movies are a new topic in-and-of-itself, but I digress.)